I'm off to europe tomorrow, the UN secretary general wants me to stop the icelandic volcano, Eyjafjallajokul, (pronounced "oy vey gevalt").
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if meeting me in Paris or Bad Neuenahr, please bring some home-town artifact. As I must understand your cultures in order to conquer them.
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Why do so many of you keep inviting me to amsterdam with the promise of drugs and hookers. I'm not into that stuff. I like guns and arson.
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Couldn't resist: @Sebastianglints writes, "@mishacollins if you ever reply to my tweets, i'll probably shit my pants." Please send photos.